Please post your first paragraphs (attention grabber, thesis, essay map, etc.) The deadline to post is 3:15 tomorrow (Jan. 28th) and the deadline to respond is Friday (Jan. 29th) 8:00 a.m.
Ms. Gutierrez's 8th Grade English
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Gavin G on Love at first sight?? Tristen B on Love at first sight?? Philip K. on Love at first sight?? Elizabeth S. on Love at first sight?? Philip K. on Love at first sight??
Childish behavior can easily lead to your death in the wild. In the Lord of the flies the boys enjoy themselves to the point that their survival is hindered. Right after the plane crashes Ralph starts to mess around and play, with no worry about surviving and regard for their surroundings. Towards the beginnings of the book they did not posses the cruelty to kill to survive. General recklessness and disorder of their group overall also contributed to a loss of survival. Without, being so playful, immature and non-violence would have led them to a great life on the island.
Innocence
The theory of innocence is a twisted thing. The aerodynamic diversity of the definition; innocence makes people change their thinking. Innocence captures the true personally of the homosapians mind and heart. In Lord of the Flies each characters have their own parts in the book where they show innocence. Though fighting, crying, and happiness the characters show innocence. The skeptical minds of the reader determines the accusation the character.
Societal Norms
There are many places where the boys on the island disregard societal norms. At the beginning of the book, Ralph is so happy that the adults are gone that he takes off his clothes and does a headstand. This shows that from the start the boys forget what society taught them. The boys also disregard murder as bad, such as when jack suggests they kill a “littleun” for the “game” in chapter 7.
Survival instincts
When the kids kill Simon because they think he is the beast I realized there was no strategic method to survival. The kids let foolish games and fears get in the way of doing what it takes to survive on a island. Pretty early on in the book they realize it is cool in the morning and blisteringly hot in the afternoon and they are to scared to do thing at night, so they they should try to accomplish things in the morning. They did not conserve the food because they had they had no idea if they were going to be saved or when and if they ever were every going to be saved.They let the tension and misfortune tear them apart,they did not stick together, and that is very important.
only one (they had) on my paper. sorry
while in the position of the kids in the book,childish behavior can prevent you from surviving. While stranded on an Island there is almost no time for childish behavior. In the book, they spent to much time messing around when they sould have been making shelters. If they had spent their time on more important thing, then Jack would have probably not left and formed a new tribe. When the storm came in, they were pretty much screwed. This is survival, and if you spend your time messing around, then there’s little chance of survival.
What do you do when your plane goes down and crashes on an unknown island? You certainly don’t fight among yourselves. The boys in Lord of the Flies had good ideas and lots of potential to survive well. They made mistakes, of course, but didn’t learn from them and feel into chaos. Ralph was smarter in rescue and overall survival. Jack’s thoughts were necessary as well, because why work so hard to get rescued if you don’t have the resources to survive until then? They simply needed a balance between their ideas.
Survival Instincts
An innocent little commercial plane booms into a deserted island as several boys on their way to a boarding school fall off and land on the ground. For a small bit of time, they amble about the island in fear and loneliness to try to find some kind of help. Luckily, however, Ralph and Piggy find a conch to blow into and call everyone on the island. Each boy lit up in hope to find the source of the noise, for they needed a unity with other boys for extra help. Just as these boys realize, the most important key to survival is to stay in groups of people. Staying in packs is important because it gets work done much faster than one person can do, it combines the knowledge and skills of all different people, and it allows protection from outside forces.
Leader ship is a great thing, but it must not be taken advantege off. Big conflict broke out between Jack and Ralph mainly for the title of being chief. the boys were givin a whole treebunch of fruit and an endless ammount of water that they could use to their own expense. instead of using the natural resources they wasted time an energy on hunting. Ralph thought hunting was pointless but spent too much time on a fire. The boys acted to much like Iwill do what Iwant in stead of using team work. The boys would have been alot more succesful if their was no fighting,more team work,nd no chief.
dang maddy your thesis statement is extrodinary. Did you actualy write that (not that your a bad writer just that I dont even understand half the words you say in it and its realy complicated and good).
Saying to all of us as I read Ifound a lot of misused, misspelled and wrong words
Chris good attention grabber and I totally agree.
Matt I liked how your paragraph evolved. At the beginning it was not very interesting but got better and more interesting as I read.
In the book, The Lord of the Flies, the loss of innocence in inevitable. The kids as young as six years old have to fight for survival. Many people when faced with a problem try to work it out, but most of the boys in the book want to just kill for food and power. In Lord of the Flies the kids start off by just playing and running around naked, as they get farther along their innocence starts to waver when they kill the first pig and start fighting over power. They just keeping going along having to grow up and be men in a short period of time, so many of the kids resort to violence to prove themselves to the other kids around them. All of this shows that the innocence they once had has evaporated from their life.
The childish boys stranded on an island must aquire some responsibility to stay alive. If they don’t, death is among the many terrible things that can happen. The boys have had to take on more dutys than they would have to any where else. They must find food for themselves, and for the smaller children, they must try to find a way to escape the deadly island, such as building an alert fire, and they must use their own knowlege to find the things they need to stay alive. They must use their judgement and instincts to know right from wrong. They have no adults there telling them what to do, so they need to do this on their own. The boys will need to find a way to get along, and fend for themselves and the younger children, as well as staying alive.
After the boys were rescued, the ship that rescued them would go off and start shooting at the enemy just as if nothing had happened. The novel Lord of the Flies remarkably resembles the state mankind at the time it was written by comparing the transformation from innocent boys into fierce savages to a war that shook the world. It compares these two events by establishing innocence, showing the change of the boys into savages, and by them being rescued by a military ship. These three things show that this story closely resembles the state of the world at the time.
At the beggining of the novel the boys work together well and everything goes well. Near the end of the book the boys do some things well but they are fighting. Ralf was doing a good job leading, but Jack starts wanting more power. Then they start killing people like piggy to prove a point instead of doing things to help them survive like building a fire and shelter.
Societal Norms:
If you are home alone and (though you know you shouldn’t) you have the chance to steal a few extra oreos, would you? Laws don’t have to be written and enforced for someone to follow them. Society has formed a sort of code that decides what is right and wrong. Whether a major offense or using you cell phone past ten on a school night, there are rights and wrongs in society. For some, if there is no police breathing down you back, you can do anything you want. However, with others they live their lives trying to be perfect in everything. Lord of the Flies is a good example of who follows the rules because it is the right thing to do, who follows them because they have to, and who doesn’t follow them at all.
Abi, I really like the strong wording you used, and the examples you gave from the book. It was a very strong paragraph, and it was easy to read and relate to.
The instinct for survival is the single most driving force in human nature. In a life or death situation people will put survival before everything else. When a person’s life seems threatened they will do things that they never imagined they were capable of. The instinct for self preservation can express itself in crazy ways, for example when they all turned on one boy and beat him in there twisted game. To people’s different ideas of how to survive can destroy a group because they are so passionate about living. Ralph and Jack are a perfect example of this.
Innocence
Has somebody ever told you “You’ll understand when you are older?” Possibly you’ve told someone that. Most likely, that sentence is told to someone who seems innocent. As you grow, loss of innocence is inevitable. Hard situations in life open your eyes to a more complicated world. People won’t always do what’s right, and you will find that out. You think more for yourself as you get older, and you have to learn about what you think is right and wrong.
Casey, your paragraph was great! I especially loved the attention grabber, because it’s something I and probably lots of other people would relate to.
Loss of Innocence
Innocence, defined as “..freedom from sin or moral wrong” (Dictionary.com). In the beginning of the book, Lord of the Flies, the boys are all very naive and childish, but when forced to survive, issues come up, and even murder does not seem to rest on their shoulders for very long. Where is this turing point, when people metamorph from the state of peaceful innocence? The truth is that it is impossible for an individual to stay in the state of innocence their whole lives. Every single person in the world is plagued with the exposure to the world and knowledge whether it is written on their forehead or buried deep inside them. The boys arrive on the island and work together as a team, but then are torn apart in two, and begin to lose some of the personality traits they had when they arrived. The story focuses on many of the moral wrongs in society and the defects of the people of the world.
Casey your attention grabber was great I cannot wait to read the rest of your essay. I think that it will be a really good one.
Survival Instincts
When faced with the undaunting task of completely taking care of yourself, you might find yourself willing to do anything. We all have survival instincts that kick in when we are faced with situations where we feel threatened. In the ‘Lord of the Flies’ the boys were faced with this exact situation. Since there were no adults present to take care of them, they proceeded to do whatever they deemed necessary to survive on their own. Throughout the book there are many examples of unorthodox behavior by the boys in their quest to survive.
Davis, I like your thesis statement, but I think that you should be a little less specific, and word it better.
Justin your Thesis statement is very good and you had very strong first sentence. I also like how you did not rush into your thesis and essay map and gave us a good idea about what you were going to talk about.
Damon your thesis staement is good, but I think that maybe you don’t have enough to write about. I suggest being less specific and having a broader essay map.
The boys are stranded out on an unknown island, waiting to be rescued. Nothing to do but wait, hope, pray that they’ll be okay. But what will this adventure do to them? Tribes form and members turn on each other, madness corrupts. Ralph seems to be the only “wise” character in the book and towards the end realizes what he has accomplished. “Lord of the Flies” takes you on an amazing journey through betrayal and trust, boys to savages, fact and fiction. It will show you the real meaning of taking care of yourself with no rules, no adults to follow. Welcome to reality.
Greta- I really like how detailed you are in your first paragraph. Nicely done!
I agree with you Chris, I agree that when you are stranded on an island the last thing you should be doing is fighting amongst yourselves, and Matt good attention grabber
Alexa you also have a very good attention grabber.
Aaron,
You accomplished your essay map and thesis in an amazing wrap up of the book and showed your opinion in a lovely matter
Casey you have a very good point about the Oreo thing (although it might be reeses) I think it helps people understand your point more by relating it to stuff all of us do. So Jolly good show
Justin, I think your paragraph’s content is good, but it sounds too much like all of the other survival instincts paragraphs. You should try rewording it.
Maile, your thesis is great! I love your paragraph, but one thing that might be a good idea would be to combine some of your sentences so it flows a bit better.
Ian, your paragraph is really strong too and I like the topic you chose. I didn’t really understand the sentence with the game though, so you might just want to clarify that a bit. It was really good though!
Also, Aaron, I like your topic but it sounds like you are trying to combine too many topics. Also, your first sentence is kind of confusing. You may want to clarify that a bit.
Chris, your first paragraph has a fantastic attention grabbing topic sentence, however i can’t really tell what your thesis statement is.
Hunter and Aaron, that’s a good paragraph and a great premise. You, unlike many, do have prominent essay maps. That will help you a lot along your way as you write your paragraph.
To those of you who do not have essay maps, I recommend you to add one. It helps when you decide what you will write in your body paragraphs.
The boys crashed and were left alone with no adults. The boys had a large potential to survive but their emotions overcame them with anger! Jack and Ralph argued to much. They wasted a lot of their resources. And turned into savages. If they would of fixed these problems they would have been much better off.
Aaron, I agree with Matt, I liked that you had a clear essay map and I think it’s a really good start.
Innocence
In William Golding’s novel, The Lord of the Flies, one main theme is innocence. Innocence is present in a child until the child learns the hardships of life. In his novel, he shows the loss of innocence
Sorry that isn’t the actual one.
Matt, you’re thesis statement and essay map are really strong and I like how you tied it in to the book.
Survival Instincts
The human mind can only be driven to certain areas without falling into insanity. The human body, which used to be designed to adapt to anything, has become soft and is not fit for survival without luxury items. When a civilized human is forced to live in hostile and harsh conditions, the civilized mind is forced to resort to the brain stem for basic instincts. The roots of instinct take over the persons whole being. The only thought necessary when trying to survive in an inhospitable environment is “kill or be killed”.
The stranded boys in william goldings “lord of the flies” begin to show immature behavior, a mortal “curse” that can easily take hold of young boys.
The behavior issues all start and end with the hunters. These boys are filled with the unearned pride of being a hunter, even though they lack the killing part. These foolish boys mill around and goof off instead of getting food. Then they just push the little uns around because of their immense pride. This factor frustrates Ralph, due to their lack of contribution, but when they finally kill a pig, their pride shoots up like a rocket going into space. This is the point were the savagery starts its infection.
Your, sorry.
hunter, I like how you brought the fact that ralph didn’t even care at the beggining but then got more focused. very attention grabbing.
Innocence
In William Golding’s novel, The Lord of the Flies, one main theme is innocence. Innocence is present in a child until the child learns the hardships of life. In Golding’s novel, he demonstrates this by establishing a state of innocence in the beginning, then their loss of innocence, and he especially showed the loss of innocence between Jack and Ralph.
Alexa-It was nice but try not to say ‘you’ in a thesis paper. Also, try to make your thesis statement a little more clear. Otherwise it was good.
Survival instincts
The boys survival instincts are greatly lacking, and are not up to par. In the book, the first thing the boys do is think about how they can get rescued, when they should have been thinking about building a shelter, or finding food. The boys also build a fire in the evening, when it would have been better if they had done it early in the morning. The boys also should have thought about finding food a lot sooner then they did.
In time of survival like in Lord of the flies innocence is scarce and ignorance arises. Survival can bring out the worst in people because they will do anything to survive, which also shows ignorance.
Innocence
Innocence is a bitter-sweet concept that both symbolizes ignorance and the freshness of youth. In William Golding’s novel, The Lord of the Flies, loss of innocence is one of the main morals of the story. As a child, people are ignorant of the cruel hardships that the world and its people deal out to each other. Loss of innocence, symbolism of their ignorance, and the difference between ignorance and innocence are all important in the way that William Golding brings his story across.
Oooops sorry thats supposed to say Kimberley.
Jess you need a good attention grabber ,but your paper has a strong point.
survival instincts
How did such innocent young boys become savages? Ralph portrayed such a young and lovable kind of kid. Then his survival instincts kicked in along with the other boys. Everyone started to get increasingly more violent. There innocence decreases, their savage nature becomes more apparent, and their behavior starts to lessen in morals.
Outcasts are not welcome in the society, not a society, not our society, but the society. There is only one society in our world, and you’re either in it or not. in the Lord of the Flies society norms are closely examined. There is an impact on the understanding of the nature of man in relation to established norms. The book is closely intentive to the impact of actions on characters, the presence of disregard for societal norms, and the presence of norms in the novel. The book has greatly elaborated on society norms and the process of turning civilized into savegery.
William Golding, author of “Lord Of The Flies”, creates a mist of innocence over the lost boys, by using ignorance in the boys. They randomly stand on their heads, and tease each other as most boys would, however later in the book they grow from goofing off to hunting, surviving, and taking the initiative to make good decisions. William Golding shows how they are innocent, but in them is the adult that begins to emerge when leadership is needed.
Maile, that is a good paragraph but your thesis statement and essay map are difficult to find. Jack, yours is also good but I can’t find your thesis or essay map either.
Alexa, I really thought you had an interesting paragraph.It was really strong and fun to read. The only thing I would say is try to make your thesis a bit more obvious because it was hard to see the point you were trying to make. But other than that it was really good and I loved your last words, the welcome to reality, it was really strong.
That’s a great one Hunter. Your thesis is a lot like mine, and you really back up your point. It’s great how you use the book to support your thesis.
ah oh the one from Maddy is mine. So count that for me
Chris, I like your thesis statement but maybe you should be a little more clear in your points rather than saying “Ralph’s ideas” or “Jacks ideas.”
Blake, I liked what you were trying to say in your paragraph. You have some really strong points. To me it seems a bit confusing, and it was a bit hard to find your thesis. I think you can make a great paper out of it, just change a couple of things. (and leadership is one word).
Gavin, I agree with your thesis they were not very methodical about any thing they did it was very foolish and showed how immature the kids really were.
Maile, I really liked the points you were making in your paper. You used great examples that all of us have experienced. The only thing I would say is that for most research papers you don’t write in 2nd person. But it still works well. Good Job!
Maddy I see where you were going with it, but I don’t think all of it make sense. You should try wording it differently.
Maile,
I thought yours was really good, but it seemed a little short and a little repetitive. I liked your opening sentance/question. It was a really good attention grabber. I also liked how you used a question. Not many people do that, and your question was a great point.
My first paragraph:
People are human, and humans aren’t perfect or neutral. Character is personality and the way a person’s mind thinks, feels, and acts. However, character can be changed and form into something different by the power of temptation, peer-pressure, and persuasive talk. All those powers can either be used in a bad way or a good way. Character change is not always opposite, sometimes just a reinforcement. Because of these persuasive powers, the characters in Lord of the Flies undertake deep transformations in their character. A few transformers were Ralf, Jack, and even Piggy. Human character transformations always occur.
Alex,
I really like yours because you explained in depth how the characters can change and how it causes them to change in the first place. I think your first paragraph is really strong good job.
Alex, I agree that humans will make sertain dissions given a sertain secumstane but they should have done a better job of facing facts and not letting miths and there heads get to them. they were not very methodical.
Casey, I like your thesis because it is very strong and you use great wording. I also liked your examples.
Ian
I like your description of survival and how we will use anything to achive. a very start.
Graham,
Your paragraph is all true, but you might want to make it stronger. The thesis did not seem apparent to me and neither did the essay map. What I believe is your thesis is your first sentence “The boy’s survival instincts are greatly lacking, and are not up to par.” It would make a good thesis, but there is no introduction or attention grabber to lead up to your thesis. I think that with the same info that you have, you could make a better and stronger paragraph. However you will need to rearrange the words and make it flow better. The essay map should not be just one sentence since this decreases the power of your paragraph. All your body points could prove your thesis; however, you will just have to combine all of them and make one simple flowing sentence. But the main things that I would do are: change the wording and make the whole thing flow better. However I believe that you have some very good points and common sense that the boys don’t have like finding food and shelter instead of doing some, at the time, useless things.
Alex-I agree with the people that said your paragraph was great! I like the subect you chose and the paragraph flowed very well and was easy to understand. However you might want to find a different word for persuasive because you use it twice.
Shawn, I really liked the way you used the novel in your paragraph. I could tell that it was about their innocence just by reading the first sentence. I think it will make a good paper.
Tara, I see what your trying to say, but your intro sentence is a little bit repetitive. You may want to change it, so that you use the word society less.
Shawn, that is a good paragraph, but you might want to check the grammar. Saying, “Mist of innocence,” in figurative language really helps drag the reader into your essay.
Tara, that’s a great set-up and a good attention grabber. The thesis and essay-map are easy to be distinguished.
Alexa,
That was very nicely done. It was clear and brief, yet it had enough detail to want to make me read more. Everything flowed well, and I could understand very well to what you were getting. Your second sentence says “Nothing to do but wait, hope, pray that they’ll be okay.” This is a fragment, (just a little thing to consider). I would really only change the attention grabber. You might want to switch the first and second sentences to really attract the reader into your essay. Because your second sentence is written the way that it is, it really brings the reader in and then you explain with your first sentence about what you are talking about. So switching them could really make a good attention grabber. I also think that Piggy is very wise as well. Perhaps even more wise than Ralph. I really liked your creative ending sentence. Good job.
Hunter your thesis statement is very strong. It caught my attention at first glance.
Greta your paragraph is amazing! It is worded wonderfully, and I can see a very strong paper coming out of it. Great Job
Imagine a lot of little kids on an island. They are originally sweet, normal, fun-loving, and adventurous. But eventually, they turn from little kids to raving monsters, doing anything to survive. The is what happens in Lord Of The Flies by William Golding. It show us that man’s survival instincts will transform any person so that person can survive in the harshest and most dangerous of situations. When faced with death, man will do anything it can to survive, even if it is not considered “right” to them.
With a crash of the plane, Ralph and some choir boys land on a enigmatic island with limited sources. As Ralph introspected the island and he sees these boys who sing for their school. He sees the boys acting out of control with the screams of an opera and jumps like a kangaroo. This shows an example of Childish and irresponsible behavior. This demeanor can be very annoying and it can hurt the person it self. Yet sometimes it can’t not be controlled. Childish behavior and irresponsibility can cause the person act like that permanently which makes life difficult.
Harjap- I like your paragraph and it will lead into a good paper. However your intro is slightly redundant, it is a good example of childish behavior but a little long. Try stretching out more of how it is an example of irresponsible behavior. Good ending sentence as well, it feels very powerful.